This week we had to take our vacuum cleaner in for a repair.  I dreaded the idea of taking a whole morning or two of my time to load up the three kids in sub-zero temps and drive to and from the vacuum cleaner store, a good 20-25 minute drive each way.  But if there is one thing I know about myself, it is that I love my vacuuming and I cannot do without it!  

So on Monday, I decided to combine the trip to the vacuum cleaner place with a trip to the MOA where we were able to hang out at our favorite Lego store, make Lego cars and check out the latest merchandise.  That worked out okay because I had been promising them a trip to the Lego store for over a week. 

And today, I had to pick up the vacuum cleaner which involved another 50 minute round-trip drive to the same store/repair center.  But this time we brought Harry Potter along!  My dd suggested that we pick up the book and audio-tapes (which were waiting for us on the library reserves shelves) before we drove across town.  That way we would be able to listen to the beginning of The Goblet of Fire in the mini-van while we accomplished our errands.  This worked out great and I couldn’t help feeling proud that I was “home-schooling” while driving.  Such efficiency! 

It is moments like these when I think that HSing is so doable and people just don’t realize it.  It is possible to do all that you need to do to keep the household running fairly smoothly while learning.  The curriculum doesn’t have to come out of a box and the learning doesn’t need to take place sitting at a desk.  This type of learning leans itself toward what one might call child-centered learning and un-schooling but who is to say it is not as effective if not more effective than traditional schooling methods.

The children are regularly sharing with me what they have learned from these HP books and there is a genuine and whole-hearted desire to read and learn more.  Sounds like pure, unadulterated learning to me!  Now if I could just learn a few spells to make that vacuum cleaner zoom through the house and make my house look nice and tidy! 

These are the three words I keep trying to repeat to myself today:  Sovereignity, empathy, and acceptance.  You see, I am reading Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting once again.  It is a book that takes time to read.  It takes time to absorb all the wisdom within it.  I had read parts of it before but like a lot of other books that I borrow from the library, I had to return it before I could finish reading all of it.  And I really need to read this book now.

Here is a nugget from one of the chapters in the book entitled “Acceptance”:

“As we learn to observe and accept our own wide range of feelings, including very turbulent ones, as part of our effort to be mindful, we naturally become more aware of other people’s feelings, especially our children’s.  We come to know something of the landscape of feelings and their changing nature, and are more likely to be sympathetic and less likely, at the same time, to take them personally.  We are better able to accept their experience and their feelings, even if we may not like how they are behaving.  In doing so, we are able to step out of the limited realm in which we as parents can often find ourselves, where we are so carried away by our own feelings and our attachment to our view of things that we cut ourselves off from our children and in some deep way, without realizing or intending to, abandon them.”

Practicing acceptance is a crucial component of mindful parenting, according to the authors.  Seeing and accepting things as they are, no matter how we feel about it.  

I find parenting to be so demanding and time-consuming and it is so overwhelming at times.  I find that there are times when my patience is lacking, my temper is short and I just need to be by myself.  Is that such a bad thing?  I love my kids but I need the time away to get a fresh perspective.   

It is when I am overwhelmed, exhausted and feeling spent that I am my worst self.  When I am able to step back and look at things from outside my cluttered head, I am able to regain a sense of calm and peace that is otherwise missing.  Maybe, practicing acceptance of my own feelings and behavior will allow me to accept my children’s feelings and behavior more easily.

And there are things my kids do that are really hard for me to accept.  The things they do (or don’t do) can drive me batty.  It can bring out the worst in me.  Accepting these things does not mean they can keep doing these things over and over without any intervening on my part.  But accepting the reality of it all could be the first step toward achieving more harmony in the household.  Not ignoring it and hoping it will go away. 

Of course, there are some things that I can just accept and let go of.  Things like the pen marks on the wall and the all-day pajama marathons.  Some things just aren’t that important to me.  Sure, I wish my toddler hadn’t drawn on the newly painted walls and colored on the bottom of our beautiful cherry wood dining table.  But eventually the walls will get painted over and no one but my family will probably ever see the underside of my dining room table.  And when we do look at the crayon marks under the table it will probably be with a sense of wistful nostalgia and remembrance of my 3 yo’s energy and creativity (for lack of a better word, lol).  If I wanted a perfectly decorated house, I wouldn’t have gotten married and had kids anyway.  Some things are fairly easy for me to accept and to let go.  

Other things are not as easy.  Some behavior requires my attention and problem-solving skills and starts to consume me if I am not careful.  This also requires a certain acceptance and letting go.  It is not good to ignore it and just sweep it under the rug but it also not healthy for me to allow it to cloud over my thinking and overtake me.    

So this week, when I take a little bit of time for myself,  I may be chanting my new mantra, ”Sovereignity, empathy and acceptance.”  And in doing so, I hope to cultivate more awareness of what my children really need from me, what I can let go of, and what I can do to help them grow up healthy and strong.

I don’t know what to write in my blog tonight.  It is not as if I don’t have anything to say.  In fact, it is quite the opposite.  I have tons of stuff floating around in my head but I am not sure what to focus on, how to say it and who I am directing it toward.  Yes, I lack clarity, focus and direction.  And I, to top it all off, I feel the onset of an internet addiction.  I love, love, love reading all these wonderful blogs.  There are so many great HS blogs; there are so many great yoga-themed blogs.  There are so many blogs!!!!  There is even a blog called “Cupcakes and Yoga”.  And I want to read all of them.  But here’s the thing:  I am a “very” SAHM to three kids and I have a husband, a house and a “homeschool”.  And then there’s my yoga practice which I will not give up/cannot give up.  It is one of the most powerful parenting tools I have right now.  And all of these things take up a lot of time. 

I cannot become an internet addict.  It would be very destructive to all of the aforementioned and so, from here on I am going to work on being much more mindful of how much time I can put into all this blogging right now, although I love it so…

Today we went ice skating!  We haven’t been outside on the ice for about a week.  It has been too cold.  It felt great to finally get out there.  We ended up doing quite a bit of shoveling as well. 

We skate on the pond across the street from our home.  We bring all of our stuff (skates, drinking water, snacks, bandages, etc.), get them in their skates and let the kids loose.  H-man, after getting his skates on, attacks the ice with gusto.  It is as if it is a race for him.  He doesn’t go very far before he falls, but he is not afraid to go fast.  C takes her time, settles herself on the ice and glides.  W, he goes the distance.  He will skate the loop over and over given the opportunity.  He is now teaching himself how to skate backwards and he is not afraid to fall.  All three of them are improving their skating skills and not one of them is afraid to fall.  They fall and get up right away or they fall and sit on the ice and rest.  No shame.  They know that in order to learn they will need to fall many more times.  No fear.  No problem.  We adults could learn a thing or two from them.   

I find this to be a good opportunity for the head teacher (aka mom) to make sure their Latin vocabulary gets some use.  That’s right.  ”The safest way to fall is to land on your gluteus maximus.”  Much safer than landing on your arms or your back or anything else.  Knowing how to fall is very important in skating.  And in skiing, and a lot of other sports I am sure.   And of course, they do fall, many times over, with no trouble getting back up again.  Over and over again.    

Yesterday was a good day spent reading poems to H-man in the morning and later, visiting friends at their new home.  H-man and the other kids have been found jumping on the big bed which I am not too keen on.  I know they need an outlet for their pent-up energy and we have been experiencing a lot of time indoors due to the sub-zero temps outside.  So, a couple days ago, I told H-man I will have to read him from the book, Jump-On-The-Bed Poems.  He sounded very intrigued. 

Yesterday I pulled it out and read it to him.  It’s a great book called You Be Good & I’ll Be Night; Jump-on-the Bed Poems by Eve Merriam.  He seemed to really enjoy it.  It has a lot of really wonderful poems about things kids can relate to, like releasing your pet fish into the river and hoping that he makes it to the ocean to swim free with others of his kind!

Here’s the hard part of the day.  Getting out of the house and into the van so we could drive over to our friends’ house.  It took about 45 minutes longer than I thought it would.  I am not sure why.  I had to change a stinky diaper and dress the 3 yo.   And getting out of my friend’s house took another extra 45 minutes, partly due to the fact that we were gabbing while trying to round up the kids and get jackets, boots, and mittens on.  And partly due to the fact that H-man, my 3 yo, lay down on the floor, sobbing that he didn’t want to leave.  Poor guy.  He really loves a good social outing and has a hard time with good-byes. 

We had a lot of fun; my three kids played with my friend’s three kids and everyone had a playmate.  And best of all, the moms got to gab with few interruptions.  It would be nice to have get-togethers like that more often! 

Today it was really cold and we didn’t get outside which is usually part of the daily routine.  Today proved to be bitterly cold with a nasty windchill which was not conducive to ice skating or any other extended activities outside. 

Despite the weather, the kids seem to find plenty of activities to keep them busy in the house.  It is rather amazing how much they can do with just a little creativity and a lot of Legos.  There was more reading, Lego building, more skateboarding in the lower level and more dancing to High School Musical CDs. 

C worked on math, W worked on writing, I worked on laundry, and H worked on potty training.  He even sat on the toilet today with assistance but then quickly dismounted.  He is now sleeping in his “big boy” underwear and has told me that he won’t be going potty for another five years! 

We’ll see about that!

Today started out with me reading There’s A Batwing In My Lunchbox by Ann Hodgman.  My 7 yo son has really taken an interest in this book even though I am sure it will not land on the Charlotte Mason lists for recommended reading.  Nonetheless, it was a very (unexpectedly) entertaining read for me, W and my 9 yo dd.  We finished the book tonight amidst a lot of jumping and running.  H, our energetic 3 yo, was dressed in a cape (courtesy of his elder siblings) and he ran around the house tonight saying he was Super Why from the PBS series of the same name.  H loves this show.  He calls it his show.  It teaches kids to read and even the older kids seem to enjoy it although they (esp. W) would not admit that.  H wanted us to read him The Lady With The Alligator Purse for his bedtime reading.  W started to read the first page to him, then told us he didn’t want to read it in front of all of us.  W seems to be progressing in his reading abilities but seems to lack the confidence to read much on his own.  It is usually a “forced” subject.  I hope that changes in time.  I know that he really likes to be read to; he really can follow a storyline.  That, I think, is more important than skill at this point in his education.  I want all of my children to have a real love of books and so far, I have yet to be discouraged.  

Harry Potter was being read over the past few weeks.  C and W read the first 3 books in order.  W listened to them on audio CD/or tape.  He erased some of the window markers that C had applied to our bathroom mirror at Christmas time and replaced “I (heart symbol) Henry” with “I (heart symbol) HP”  At first I wasn’t sure what it meant or who wrote it but then it dawned on me.  W really liked the books.  Unfortunately, watching the video of the first HP movie seemed to fuel some nightmares so we are going to give the whole HP series a rest for the time being.

Yesterday the boys put on shorts and their MN Twins t-shirts (gifts from TCF last summer) and played catch in the living room.  It was fun, even for mom, and it took our mind off the fact that it is very cold outside these days.  All three kids also spent some time sledding down the hill in the backyard.  We have had new snow to cover some of the bare patches in the back, thankfully. 

Today it was skateboarding.  Papa John (i.e.  Daddy) let the boys do some tricks on the skateboard in the lower level.  It didn’t seem to matter too much that the floor was carpeted.  Fun, regardless of the conditions!

C spent a good portion of the day reading and building on the Lego extravaganza she and W have in the bedroom.  We need to take a photo of it and record it.

Triton, our betta friend, got some clean water to swim in today.  It was looking pretty cloudy.  It made me realize that I need to come up with a schedule for all the work that needs to be done in a given day/week/month.  There is so much to do that we need to come up with a better plan to get it all done.  So that is one of my goals for the month - to get more organized.  Yeah, I know.  It has been a goal of mine for a long time.  

Hopefully, we can figure out what has been fatiguing C these past couple of years and get everyone back on some sort of a schedule.  It seems like the new non-dairy diet has made her a much happier, more even-keeled, more energetic girl.  If eliminating dairy can do all that for her, it is more than worth the effort.  It has been a bit of a shift to switch from our dairy-laden diet to a diet high in meat but like I said, it seems to be working.  I plan to incorporate more fish and legumes into the diet as well.  Heck, I would go vegan if I could.  That could be something to work toward.  C told me last night before she fell asleep that she feels happier on this non-dairy diet.  That is definitely a good thing. 

Two nights ago we took an unexpected trip to the hospital ER.  Dh was experiencing tingling sensations in his fingers and feet and when he explained the condition to the nurse over the phone, she recommended that he get someone to drive him to the ER.  So there we were bundling into the mini-van at 7:oo-ish in the frigid, dark night with the 3 kids and a whole lot of activity bags.  I did the driving which felt weird (usually that is something the hubby does when we do any trips as a family).  Dh was able to  get into see a doctor right away which was good.  The kids and I waited in the lobby for most of the time and they behaved very well, esp. considering that it lasted about 2 1/2 hours.  We were lucky enough to be able to pass the time with a woman named Alyssa.  Her job must have been to make people in the lobby feel better and she was good at it.  She gaved the kids balloons, plush toys and coloring books.  The coloring book was about being in the ER which was lost on the kids but it was such a nice gesture and helped the kids pass the time.  The ER doctor, if you can believe this, turned out to be Mike, from down the street.  He discharged Hubby after about 2 1/2 hours of testing and told us we could call him anytime if we have any concerns.  

The only bad part about the experience, aside from the stress of it all, was knowing that there would be a big fat bill in our mailbox in the weeks to come.  But I am trying to let go of that and focus on the positive.  And who knows, maybe our financial picture will be brighter this year.  Who knows what is in store for any of us this year?  Just need to focus on what we have right now: our health and each other.  There were a lot of people in the ER last night that were not going to get the “okay/all clear” to go home that evening.  I saw grown men and women crying.  We were the lucky ones there. 

We left the hospital with three balloons, some cute and cuddly plush toys and Daddy.  

I know that to be working in an environment like that takes a special sort of person, a special calling.  Not the life for me.  A lot of people have said that they could not homeschool for this or that reason.  I understand that HSing is not for everyone.  I, however, do feel in my heart that this is what I am supposed to be doing right now.   Even though I have moments when I find it overwhelming.  But it is what feels right for me right now.  At this time in my life.  And we are just going to take it one day at a time, one moment at a time.

And so, in the interest of saluting what I think might be one of the hardest jobs in the world, I would like to say a prayer of thanksgiving to all the men and women who work in the medical profession, especially the ERs.  May they continue to bring aid and comfort to those who in need.  

My yoga teacher read this to us tonight after our final shavasana (sp?): 

“Tension is who you think you should be or who you think others think you should be.  Relaxation is who you are.”  

Here is something to start the day off.  A quote for the day:

“The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.”

Thich Nhat Hanh  (Vietnamese Monk, Activist and Writer. b.1926)