The Mindful Homeschool

Well, it was round 2 with the neighbors.  The day was so taxing; it might be hard to recall all of it.  I went to talk to the neighbor about the situation we found out about last week.  As you may recall from an earlier post, the neighbor boy had been behaving badly with my 3 yo.  So I went over there after a few days (or more!) of simmering.  I knew that I would not feel right until I told her the complete version of what happened and what I had found out. 

It went surprisingly well.  Her 10 yo daughter (when questioned by me) tearfully agreed that the “secret meetings” between the 8 yo and my son happened more than once, that her brother was the one who initiated it, and that she saw more than she was telling her mom.  This is not what Nikki had told her mother before.  I felt as though my concerns were taken seriously and that R, my neighbor, believed me and my kids.  I felt like we could all work on mending the relationship and hoped that her son would be disciplined appropriately.  Then H-man, C-chan and Nikki, the neighbor, hung out together with another neighbor girl, and read books in N’s garage until lunch time.  However, later in the afternoon when my kids attempted to say, “Hi” to the neighbors they were ignored.  I felt hurt all over again.  And I think my kids were thinking the same thing. 

I thought, “Oh man, here we go again.”  We are back to being ignored, excluded, you name it.  But why do I care anymore?  Why can’t I just let it all go and move on?  Why haven’t I learned my lesson?  These are not people who make you feel good.  These are, at best, on again, off again friends.  And they can be mean and insensitive and of course, untruthful.  And mistreat my kids.  So why am I continuing this unhealthy relationship?  

The kids fought a lot today.  W came in afterwards and pounded on the wall.  He told me he did not know why but I think I do.  He thought things would be better with the neighbors across the street and … sadly they are not.  Later tonight our kids played in the front and pined after the “friends” across the street.  It was … pathetic?  Our boys openly stared at the 3 neighbor kids playing spud, a game I taught all of them a few years back.  W was openly mad and frustrated.  He has been saying, ”Why are they playing with everyone but us?”  I tried to explain why that might be.  Maybe they weren’t such good friends after all.  This is a hard lesson for us.  I have been wanting to be “all peaceful and loving” about all of this.  But now I am wondering why am I spending so much energy on this toxic relationship?   

At what point does a friendship become toxic?  At what point do you say, “Enough”.   I think I have reached that point.  It is at least the third time I have had problems with these neighbors.  And this latest situation has made me realize how unsafe things are with these kids around. 

Life is too short to waste it stewing over things, wishing things were different and putting up with less than decent relationships.  I guess I am a bit mad at myself for allowing me and my kids to get so involved with these people knowing that we have had serious issues in the past.  I don’t want to go back into a relationship with them and have this happen all over again or have it be even worse.  There is an issue of my kids’ safety and that cannot be taken lightly.

But how do I convince the kids that we need to let these friendships go?  They are hurting.  Which makes me even more angry.    

Big sigh.

Mindful friendships.  Mindful parenting.  Mindful neighbors?

And then there is that saying that brought me comfort a couple of years back when we were having issues with the other neighbors:  Difficult people are your best teachers.  Let me learn my lesson this time!