The Mindful Homeschool

“Love is the greatest commandment on which all other commandments are based;  We are here to bring a particular gift of talent into the world, without which the world would be a poorer place;   Time is a gift that is only given to us moment by moment; The gifts of grace, faith, talent, life, nature and breath are free;  All gifts are given to be given away.”  - Esther Armstrong

It was my 4 yo’s birthday about a week ago.  Both of my sons were born in October and it makes for a busy time.  We took him to the zoo which was fun for the whole family.  We saw a Russian Grizzly Coast exhibit and even saw a grizzly bear up close swimming in the water.  We saw very playful sea otters doing somersaults and various back floats up close.  I could have sat there for a long time watching them play in the frigid water. 

My 4 yo son kept saying it was “the lucky day of his life” and he was walking with an extra spring in his step the whole time.  He seems very proud to be four and seems eager to get bigger and older.  My, how quickly this time passes.  Just the other day he was 3 yo and it seemed like that time would always be there for us.

When I snuggle with him at night now, it is with the knowledge that these days are numbered.  That as much as I want him to be small enough to carry and sweet enough to kiss and hug freely without any embarrassment or hesitation, I realize that it will not always be this way.

So this thinking brings me back to the idea of mindful living.  And this blog.  You would think seeing the name, The Mindful Homeschool, every time I log in would make me want to live more mindfully or at least check myself to see if the day has been mindful, or if my thoughts have been mindful.  Or most importantly, perhaps, if my parenting has been mindful.   Or mindless.

When I do sit and think about it, I worry that so much of my life is so mindless!  So much of my time is spent like there will always be a tomorrow, another day, another opportunity to do it right, mend the bad habit, start anew, become the best mom I can be! 

But sadly, it isn’t so.  My mindless habits are getting worse.  I spend way too much time on the computer these days.  Way too much time in front of a screen when I could be reading a book to my kids, or playing with my dc, or tending to the household chores, or sitting in meditation or practicing yoga, or reading a good book and mindfully doing what I want to be doing with my life.  

Even if I live to be 120 (!), life will be too short.  My children will be small children for only so long.  And I will be at the epicenter of their lives for such a limited time. 

It goes back to one of my previous posts where I wondered why is it that we don’t do what we know we should do?  

My yoga teacher has been saying lately that yoga is 99% practice and 1% theory.   I think life is the same.  I can spend all the ”free time” I have reading blogs and reading emails in search of the perfect parenting techniques, the perfect way to manage my homeschool and personal life and balance out all my needs.  But at some point, I have to say, “Enough.”  And start living and being the person I want to be.    The ”goshdarn” reality is that I have to be there, practicing - living my life.  I have to be parenting, not just reading and writing about parenting.  I have to be homeschooling, not just reading and writing about homeschooling. 

For a person like me who loves to read and write, the internet has been a great way for me to gather information and connect with others.  But I cannot mindlessly allow it to dominate my life.  So somehow, I must start living my life.   And I have to start right now.  Because as the quote above so beautifully articulates, 

“Time is a gift that is only given to us moment by moment;  The gifts of grace, faith, talent, life, nature and breath are free;  All gifts are given to be given away.”

Happy Birthday! 

“Cleaning the house while the kids are still young is like shoveling before it stops snowing.”  –Phyllis Diller

Last week we participated in a garage sale held at my brother’s house.  It was relatively successful and I was able to go through, organize and sell a lot of stuff.  The funny thing is my house does not reflect this.  We still have a lot of stuff that we need to organize, store or sell.  My oldest child will turn 10 yo soon so I have been collecting all this kid stuff for a while.  And it is not all kid stuff, of course, that I need to organize.   A lot of it is my stuff.  But with 3 kids ages 3 to 9, I have not been able to accomplish a lot of housework, or anything else for that matter.

However, I am inspired.  I have cleared out some areas in my home.  I have made some money selling it.  And I have found some things that I had been looking for.  It feels good.  There is good energy slowly moving through the house.  I just need to keep at it until the clutter beast has been tamed.

And I am truly grateful to be able to live in this house and neighborhood.  With so many people being forced out of their homes, I am truly grateful for what I do have. 

Last week I was complaining of feeling burnt out.  I felt like I really needed a break.  But looking back I realized that if I would have made some adjustments earlier, I would not have felt so crispy.

First of all, I need to get out of the house and into the ”out of doors” for at least a short time each day, frigid weather or not.  Last week, partly because of the weather I did not do that.

Secondly, I need to do yoga (or some other equally good exercise) at least three times a week.  Last week, once again, partly because it was so cold, I did not do that.  I also need to hit the mat regularly, daily, if possible.   And let’s face it, it is possible.  I can find at least a few minutes every day to do some poses.

I need to focus more on getting adequate sleep.  I need say no more.

I need to spend some time each day reading from my meditation book and focusing on my spiritual health, for lack of a better way of saying it.  I need to meditate. 

I need to focus on what is truly important to me right now:  my children, my family, our health and education, and God as I understand God right now.  There are other things that I could add to the list but this will suffice for now.  I need to be mindful of where my time is going and whether or not it is going to the right places.

I need to take time for myself to do the basics to keep myself moving on an even keel.  

I need regular “me” time even if it is only for a short period of time, like 10-15 minutes.

I need to journal, especially when I cannot see things clearly or understand things clearly.

I need to practice being in the moment with my kids and not off somewhere else for at least a few minutes every day. 

I need to discover what brings me joy and avoid what brings me down.

I need to plan fun into my schedule so that there is always something to look forward to.

I need to meet up with other HS people who can share this journey with me.  I need to focus more on making connections with other like-minded parents.  And focus more on connections in general.

I need to practice gratitude and act accordingly.

I need to spend some time each day enjoying a good book.    

And lastly, I need to do all these things because I want to burn brightly but not burn out. 

So here was the quickly devised plan for today:

• Make pink heart-shaped pancakes for lunch or supper. 
• Make Valentine’s card for Dad.
• Give out v day cards to neighbors.
• Hand out Spanish “corazones dulces” sweet hearts to kids and try to translate into English.  Might need help from internet.
• Math work and copy work.
• Kids get half-hour on Webkinz.
• Shovel snow on driveway and pond.  Go ice skating.
• Possibly head to store for fresh flowers and more strawberries.
• Eat really good chocolate.
• Pick up house and decorate table with Valentine candles and red and white table gems for dinner before heading to pond.
• Dress in red clothes.
• Laundry.
• Focus on what I am grateful for and write in my blog.
• Focus on being in the moment with my kids.
• Yoga and me time.

We didn’t get out to the pond for some ice skating today.  It was much too cold and we were busy inside until Papa came home.  And as you can see, I did get a lot done but not everything.  And I even managed to “trim” the boys’ hair.  When I give them haircuts, it’s a three day process.  They don’t sit still long enough and the next few days after the initial “trim” are spent neatening everything up.  So that and dealing with a 3 yo who wouldn’t nap took time away from the plan.  And of course, I still have a bit of time left to do yoga, have me time and concentrate on what I feel grateful for. 

It’s a good thing I put “focus on what I am grateful for” on my to-do list.  I was losing sight of all that this afternoon.  H-man wasn’t napping and that meant no time for mommy to sit and have a cup of tea all alone.  Thankfully, the older kids stepped in and watched/entertained my little guy for me.  By 4:00 in the afternoon, I get cranky if I don’t get a break and take time for myself.  Unfortunately, the break I took only fueled my frustrations with my lot in life.  

Here’s what happened.  I got on the internet and checked my emails.  Big mistake.  Looking back, I should have made a cup of tea, asked the kids to watch H-man and read from my book, Meditations from the Mat.  That would have put me in the right frame of mind and I might have even made time to do a little yoga.  But no, I checked my crazy, ever prolific emails.  There were so many posts and I tried to weed through them but it was no easy task.  There was a particular thread about hubbies and Valentine’s day that caught my attention and I started to read everyone’s, becoming gloomier and gloomier as I went on.  Sigh.  Stories about doting husbands giving jewelry, roses and other expensive gifts; husbands surprising wives and children with reservations at restaurants; all sorts of lovely gestures.  But it made me feel a bit down.   

Don’t get me wrong.  My dh is a great guy but Valentine’s day has never been an occasion for diamonds, lavish gifts, surprise dinner reservations and extravagant showers of affection.  We are what some might call “simple” people.  We rarely put money into those kinds of luxuries anymore.  Not since we had kids and took our “vows of poverty”.  lol.  Tulips and daisies, yes.  Dark chocolate, yes.  Diamonds, no.  (Well, except for our engagement).  And these emails were detailing all these thoughtful but somewhat lavish gifts of affection and attention.  Meanwhile, I am at home with the children having spent a day of doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, feeding, toilet training, nursing, teaching, and I am getting crankier by the minute.

And then I thought about my plan for the day.  My plan to focus on what I am grateful for and my mood started to lighten, little by little. 

I am so grateful for my dh, my children, my family, and our health, among other things.  I am grateful for my brother’s return to health and for caring family members (sisters-in-law included).  For the warmth of our home and for all of our modern day comforts.  For good food, access to health care and public libraries.  For a healthy mind and body.  For yoga and its unlimited potential.  For the love of my children, their smiles, their giggles, their sweetness and the joy they bring into my life.  For my dear husband and all that he does for me and our children.  Every day.  Without fail.  For every moment I have been given.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I guess it’s all how you look at it sometimes.   

Well, it didn’t really happen, but I tried really hard.  I tried to give up the computer and the TV and I was relatively successful.  I did find myself sneaking a peek at my email in the morning.  I tried to avoid doing that.  And I googled the poem “This little piggy goes to the market” after H asked me why the last little piggy cried!  I didn’t find an answer but I did find lots of other interesting websites.  ahem.  

I told the kids that they were not allowed to watch any TV or play on the computer but I found out later that the two oldest children logged on to Webkins briefly when I wasn’t looking.  By 3 pm I was on the verge of a headache and oh, it would have been so easy to give up.  But I persevered.  We worked on making Valentines and got a lot done.  Relatively speaking.  And it helped me the next day because the kids didn’t expect to watch TV right upon waking up. 

I told H that I wanted him to sit on the potty at least once before he could watch his morning TV show.  He lay down and cried upon hearing that.  But after a little while he agreed to try sitting on the toilet.  We went to the bathroom and I showed him what he needed to do and then … he did it!  He was so proud of himself.  After that, he spent the next 2 hours sitting on the toilet, wiping himself, flushing, washing his hands, or bathing (after messier outputs) and drinking water so he could go AGAIN!

It goes without saying that going TV/computer-free is hard work and I would have a hard time doing it everyday but … one day a week seems doable.  Baby steps.  My family and I learn a lot from PBS shows and TV can be very entertaining.  Last night all five of us watched a wonderful ballroom dancing show that had all three kids inspired to twirl around the room together.  It was a true family moment when we were all focused on the same thing, living in the same moment, together as a family.  It is those times when I am grateful for TV.  And of course, the computer is also another wonderful tool for learning, inspiration and entertainment. 

The problems happen when we start using these tools too much at the expense of being there with our loved ones.  It’s a problem when it shuts out our loved ones and closes us off to the world.  I know I have a long ways to go toward finding balance in this modern world.  I can get so absorbed in my emails and the blogosphere that I start neglecting my family and my own real-life moments.  I think going tech-free on Tuesdays could help me and my family appreciate technology’s role a lot more and help bring more clarity into our use of it.  At least it is worth a try.

This week we had to take our vacuum cleaner in for a repair.  I dreaded the idea of taking a whole morning or two of my time to load up the three kids in sub-zero temps and drive to and from the vacuum cleaner store, a good 20-25 minute drive each way.  But if there is one thing I know about myself, it is that I love my vacuuming and I cannot do without it!  

So on Monday, I decided to combine the trip to the vacuum cleaner place with a trip to the MOA where we were able to hang out at our favorite Lego store, make Lego cars and check out the latest merchandise.  That worked out okay because I had been promising them a trip to the Lego store for over a week. 

And today, I had to pick up the vacuum cleaner which involved another 50 minute round-trip drive to the same store/repair center.  But this time we brought Harry Potter along!  My dd suggested that we pick up the book and audio-tapes (which were waiting for us on the library reserves shelves) before we drove across town.  That way we would be able to listen to the beginning of The Goblet of Fire in the mini-van while we accomplished our errands.  This worked out great and I couldn’t help feeling proud that I was “home-schooling” while driving.  Such efficiency! 

It is moments like these when I think that HSing is so doable and people just don’t realize it.  It is possible to do all that you need to do to keep the household running fairly smoothly while learning.  The curriculum doesn’t have to come out of a box and the learning doesn’t need to take place sitting at a desk.  This type of learning leans itself toward what one might call child-centered learning and un-schooling but who is to say it is not as effective if not more effective than traditional schooling methods.

The children are regularly sharing with me what they have learned from these HP books and there is a genuine and whole-hearted desire to read and learn more.  Sounds like pure, unadulterated learning to me!  Now if I could just learn a few spells to make that vacuum cleaner zoom through the house and make my house look nice and tidy! 

These are the three words I keep trying to repeat to myself today:  Sovereignity, empathy, and acceptance.  You see, I am reading Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting once again.  It is a book that takes time to read.  It takes time to absorb all the wisdom within it.  I had read parts of it before but like a lot of other books that I borrow from the library, I had to return it before I could finish reading all of it.  And I really need to read this book now.

Here is a nugget from one of the chapters in the book entitled “Acceptance”:

“As we learn to observe and accept our own wide range of feelings, including very turbulent ones, as part of our effort to be mindful, we naturally become more aware of other people’s feelings, especially our children’s.  We come to know something of the landscape of feelings and their changing nature, and are more likely to be sympathetic and less likely, at the same time, to take them personally.  We are better able to accept their experience and their feelings, even if we may not like how they are behaving.  In doing so, we are able to step out of the limited realm in which we as parents can often find ourselves, where we are so carried away by our own feelings and our attachment to our view of things that we cut ourselves off from our children and in some deep way, without realizing or intending to, abandon them.”

Practicing acceptance is a crucial component of mindful parenting, according to the authors.  Seeing and accepting things as they are, no matter how we feel about it.  

I find parenting to be so demanding and time-consuming and it is so overwhelming at times.  I find that there are times when my patience is lacking, my temper is short and I just need to be by myself.  Is that such a bad thing?  I love my kids but I need the time away to get a fresh perspective.   

It is when I am overwhelmed, exhausted and feeling spent that I am my worst self.  When I am able to step back and look at things from outside my cluttered head, I am able to regain a sense of calm and peace that is otherwise missing.  Maybe, practicing acceptance of my own feelings and behavior will allow me to accept my children’s feelings and behavior more easily.

And there are things my kids do that are really hard for me to accept.  The things they do (or don’t do) can drive me batty.  It can bring out the worst in me.  Accepting these things does not mean they can keep doing these things over and over without any intervening on my part.  But accepting the reality of it all could be the first step toward achieving more harmony in the household.  Not ignoring it and hoping it will go away. 

Of course, there are some things that I can just accept and let go of.  Things like the pen marks on the wall and the all-day pajama marathons.  Some things just aren’t that important to me.  Sure, I wish my toddler hadn’t drawn on the newly painted walls and colored on the bottom of our beautiful cherry wood dining table.  But eventually the walls will get painted over and no one but my family will probably ever see the underside of my dining room table.  And when we do look at the crayon marks under the table it will probably be with a sense of wistful nostalgia and remembrance of my 3 yo’s energy and creativity (for lack of a better word, lol).  If I wanted a perfectly decorated house, I wouldn’t have gotten married and had kids anyway.  Some things are fairly easy for me to accept and to let go.  

Other things are not as easy.  Some behavior requires my attention and problem-solving skills and starts to consume me if I am not careful.  This also requires a certain acceptance and letting go.  It is not good to ignore it and just sweep it under the rug but it also not healthy for me to allow it to cloud over my thinking and overtake me.    

So this week, when I take a little bit of time for myself,  I may be chanting my new mantra, ”Sovereignity, empathy and acceptance.”  And in doing so, I hope to cultivate more awareness of what my children really need from me, what I can let go of, and what I can do to help them grow up healthy and strong.

I don’t know what to write in my blog tonight.  It is not as if I don’t have anything to say.  In fact, it is quite the opposite.  I have tons of stuff floating around in my head but I am not sure what to focus on, how to say it and who I am directing it toward.  Yes, I lack clarity, focus and direction.  And I, to top it all off, I feel the onset of an internet addiction.  I love, love, love reading all these wonderful blogs.  There are so many great HS blogs; there are so many great yoga-themed blogs.  There are so many blogs!!!!  There is even a blog called “Cupcakes and Yoga”.  And I want to read all of them.  But here’s the thing:  I am a “very” SAHM to three kids and I have a husband, a house and a “homeschool”.  And then there’s my yoga practice which I will not give up/cannot give up.  It is one of the most powerful parenting tools I have right now.  And all of these things take up a lot of time. 

I cannot become an internet addict.  It would be very destructive to all of the aforementioned and so, from here on I am going to work on being much more mindful of how much time I can put into all this blogging right now, although I love it so…

Sometimes the days spent with the kids seem so long, but I realize more and more how quickly the years are going by and how quickly the kids are growing up.

That is why I want to be present for them in the moment.  This is my aim.  To be fully present for them as much as I can during this journey.  It is easy for me to fall into the mindlessness of it all.  There is so much to do.  But by practicing mindfulness and by chronicling our journeys here I hope to live more fully in the moment with my family. 

I am an AP mother.  I breastfed, wore my babies in a sling (when I wasn’t carrying them!), shared a family bed and practiced attachment parenting.  I don’t regret any of it.  I am still practicing attachment parenting.  But now that the kids are getting older (9, 7 and 3 yo)  I am realizing that I need additional tools.  That’s where the mindfulness comes into play.  I need to practice being aware, being in the moment and being present for my family. 

So this is where I plan to record all the things we do and all the things I want to do.  Moment by moment.