The Mindful Homeschool

“Love is the greatest commandment on which all other commandments are based;  We are here to bring a particular gift of talent into the world, without which the world would be a poorer place;   Time is a gift that is only given to us moment by moment; The gifts of grace, faith, talent, life, nature and breath are free;  All gifts are given to be given away.”  - Esther Armstrong

It was my 4 yo’s birthday about a week ago.  Both of my sons were born in October and it makes for a busy time.  We took him to the zoo which was fun for the whole family.  We saw a Russian Grizzly Coast exhibit and even saw a grizzly bear up close swimming in the water.  We saw very playful sea otters doing somersaults and various back floats up close.  I could have sat there for a long time watching them play in the frigid water. 

My 4 yo son kept saying it was “the lucky day of his life” and he was walking with an extra spring in his step the whole time.  He seems very proud to be four and seems eager to get bigger and older.  My, how quickly this time passes.  Just the other day he was 3 yo and it seemed like that time would always be there for us.

When I snuggle with him at night now, it is with the knowledge that these days are numbered.  That as much as I want him to be small enough to carry and sweet enough to kiss and hug freely without any embarrassment or hesitation, I realize that it will not always be this way.

So this thinking brings me back to the idea of mindful living.  And this blog.  You would think seeing the name, The Mindful Homeschool, every time I log in would make me want to live more mindfully or at least check myself to see if the day has been mindful, or if my thoughts have been mindful.  Or most importantly, perhaps, if my parenting has been mindful.   Or mindless.

When I do sit and think about it, I worry that so much of my life is so mindless!  So much of my time is spent like there will always be a tomorrow, another day, another opportunity to do it right, mend the bad habit, start anew, become the best mom I can be! 

But sadly, it isn’t so.  My mindless habits are getting worse.  I spend way too much time on the computer these days.  Way too much time in front of a screen when I could be reading a book to my kids, or playing with my dc, or tending to the household chores, or sitting in meditation or practicing yoga, or reading a good book and mindfully doing what I want to be doing with my life.  

Even if I live to be 120 (!), life will be too short.  My children will be small children for only so long.  And I will be at the epicenter of their lives for such a limited time. 

It goes back to one of my previous posts where I wondered why is it that we don’t do what we know we should do?  

My yoga teacher has been saying lately that yoga is 99% practice and 1% theory.   I think life is the same.  I can spend all the ”free time” I have reading blogs and reading emails in search of the perfect parenting techniques, the perfect way to manage my homeschool and personal life and balance out all my needs.  But at some point, I have to say, “Enough.”  And start living and being the person I want to be.    The ”goshdarn” reality is that I have to be there, practicing - living my life.  I have to be parenting, not just reading and writing about parenting.  I have to be homeschooling, not just reading and writing about homeschooling. 

For a person like me who loves to read and write, the internet has been a great way for me to gather information and connect with others.  But I cannot mindlessly allow it to dominate my life.  So somehow, I must start living my life.   And I have to start right now.  Because as the quote above so beautifully articulates, 

“Time is a gift that is only given to us moment by moment;  The gifts of grace, faith, talent, life, nature and breath are free;  All gifts are given to be given away.”

Happy Birthday! 

Today was my 8 yo’s birthday.  We started the day with coffee cake and ended the day with chocolate birthday cake!  We went shopping, ate yummy food, told stories about what W was like when he was little, and swam and “hot-tubbed” at our local health club.  He and his big sister played with his K’nex toys and made some impressive structures, most notably, a big Ferris wheel.  They are planning to do more of the same with the K’nex tomorrow. 

W, my precious 8 yo, expressed how much he was enjoying his day and what I have done for him.  What a grateful kid!  It’s funny because he didn’t receive any lavish presents or lots of birthday wishes from relatives.  As a matter of fact, he received one birthday card in the mail - from his dear aunt.  But he didn’t seem to notice what he might be lacking.  I, on the other hand, worried.  My parents are deceased and he never got to meet them and my dh’s parents live an hour and a half away so he doesn’t have a lot of people doting on him on his special day.  And his best buddy is no longer friends with him (due to some inappropriate behavior we found out about this past summer).  So, of course, I worry.  I worry that he doesn’t have “enough” of whatever it is that makes a child/person happy.  But he was okay.  He knows that we will be celebrating more this weekend with him.  (Usually dh is able to take a vacation day on W’s birthday but not this year.)  And he knows that we will be throwing a big birthday party for him with the cousins and other relatives next week. 

But my little guy, the boy who used to wear colorful, floral dresses just like his beloved sister when he was a toddler, has grown up into a very nice, young boy.  He is smart.  He is sweet.  He is grateful.  And he is loved.

Happy Birthday, W!  When you get a little bit older, we plan to show your friends all those adorable photos of you in the pretty red dress.  You have always looked up to your big sister but pretty soon, based on your growth charts, she is going to be looking up to you!

Luv ya!  XXOOXXOOXXOOXX! 

I am always amazed …

… that doing just 10 minutes of yoga stretches and mindful breathing can make me feel so much better.

… how much my 7 yo son loves animals.  (On Friday we saw chickens at a farm we were visiting.  W just adored them.  I guess I am going to have to work on getting him a pet of his own.)

… how much I love to walk on clean floors and how it can truly brighten my day, sometimes my week.

… how a good book can change your life, or at least your perspective on your life.

… how passionately I feel about politics, the issues, and the politicians themselves.

… that I don’t always do all the things I am supposed to do to stay healthy, like eating broccoli (!) and exercising regularly and meditating, etc.,  when I know how good they are for one’s health and well-being.

… how much time I can spend on the computer these days.

… how strong the bond is between a parent and a child and how much I love my children.

Well, it was round 2 with the neighbors.  The day was so taxing; it might be hard to recall all of it.  I went to talk to the neighbor about the situation we found out about last week.  As you may recall from an earlier post, the neighbor boy had been behaving badly with my 3 yo.  So I went over there after a few days (or more!) of simmering.  I knew that I would not feel right until I told her the complete version of what happened and what I had found out. 

It went surprisingly well.  Her 10 yo daughter (when questioned by me) tearfully agreed that the “secret meetings” between the 8 yo and my son happened more than once, that her brother was the one who initiated it, and that she saw more than she was telling her mom.  This is not what Nikki had told her mother before.  I felt as though my concerns were taken seriously and that R, my neighbor, believed me and my kids.  I felt like we could all work on mending the relationship and hoped that her son would be disciplined appropriately.  Then H-man, C-chan and Nikki, the neighbor, hung out together with another neighbor girl, and read books in N’s garage until lunch time.  However, later in the afternoon when my kids attempted to say, “Hi” to the neighbors they were ignored.  I felt hurt all over again.  And I think my kids were thinking the same thing. 

I thought, “Oh man, here we go again.”  We are back to being ignored, excluded, you name it.  But why do I care anymore?  Why can’t I just let it all go and move on?  Why haven’t I learned my lesson?  These are not people who make you feel good.  These are, at best, on again, off again friends.  And they can be mean and insensitive and of course, untruthful.  And mistreat my kids.  So why am I continuing this unhealthy relationship?  

The kids fought a lot today.  W came in afterwards and pounded on the wall.  He told me he did not know why but I think I do.  He thought things would be better with the neighbors across the street and … sadly they are not.  Later tonight our kids played in the front and pined after the “friends” across the street.  It was … pathetic?  Our boys openly stared at the 3 neighbor kids playing spud, a game I taught all of them a few years back.  W was openly mad and frustrated.  He has been saying, ”Why are they playing with everyone but us?”  I tried to explain why that might be.  Maybe they weren’t such good friends after all.  This is a hard lesson for us.  I have been wanting to be “all peaceful and loving” about all of this.  But now I am wondering why am I spending so much energy on this toxic relationship?   

At what point does a friendship become toxic?  At what point do you say, “Enough”.   I think I have reached that point.  It is at least the third time I have had problems with these neighbors.  And this latest situation has made me realize how unsafe things are with these kids around. 

Life is too short to waste it stewing over things, wishing things were different and putting up with less than decent relationships.  I guess I am a bit mad at myself for allowing me and my kids to get so involved with these people knowing that we have had serious issues in the past.  I don’t want to go back into a relationship with them and have this happen all over again or have it be even worse.  There is an issue of my kids’ safety and that cannot be taken lightly.

But how do I convince the kids that we need to let these friendships go?  They are hurting.  Which makes me even more angry.    

Big sigh.

Mindful friendships.  Mindful parenting.  Mindful neighbors?

And then there is that saying that brought me comfort a couple of years back when we were having issues with the other neighbors:  Difficult people are your best teachers.  Let me learn my lesson this time!

I consider myself very fortunate to have this awesome, talented, and gorgeous yoga instructor teaching at our local fitness club. (26)  She is smart; she is knowledgeable; she is strict; she is beautiful; she is strong and she is one of the best yoga teachers I have ever had.  I have learned so much from her and she has inspired me to take my practice farther and deeper.  She has also encouraged us to practice carefully/mindfully so as to avoid injuring ourselves.  (She told us that she wants us to be able to continue doing yoga with her decades from now!) 

Today I was able to go to one of her classes and I had a great workout. (27)  I even attempted bird-of-paradise and was able to do it rather well. (28)  Not perfectly, not even close, but well enough for Kristina, my teacher, to say, “Gorgeous, Lucy!”  Now I know that you are not going to see me on the cover of Yoga Journal doing bird-of-paradise anytime soon but nonetheless, there is something to be said about being complimented in a class full of other students.  Being acknowledged for attempting the pose and being somewhat successful is a huge day brightener!

I told my dh not too long ago that if it weren’t for yoga, I would not be HSing.  Now I cannot say that with total certainty but I do know that yoga helps me relieve stress.  It helps me stay clear-headed enough to deal with all the extra stressors that parenting and HSing bring on.  I remember that in one of my first classes with Kristina, she complimented me on my practice and my flexibility.  Well, it is true that a good compliment can last a person a week or more.  That compliment was one of the first genuine compliments I had had in months, maybe years.  As a SAHM, and as a HS mom, I find the compliments on my work as a parent and a teacher to be extremely rare.  So hearing those words of praise from this gorgeous instructor made my heart sing and kept me flying high for quite a while.

Yoga seems to be something my body cries out for.  After practicing for about 18 months or so, I can tell when my body needs a good stretch.  Doing sun salutations and other basic poses make me feel so good.  Through my study of yoga, I have learned more about what makes a good teacher.  I have learned about Sanskrit, about what poses are good for what conditions, and how to do certain poses safely.  My children have been learning right along with me.  They know a lot of the poses and they know some of the sanskrit words used to describe certain the different asanas or poses.  They are also learning that the learning you do in life does not stop when you reach a certain age.  Learning is a life-long journey we all need to embark on.  Daily.

I hope that I will never grow tired of yoga.  Studying and practicing yoga has been a life-transforming experience and I hope that my enthusiasm for this ancient practice will inspire others to check it out for themselves.

I am grateful for the opportunity to express myself through the written word. (1)  I am grateful for my physical health and wellbeing. (2)  I am grateful for this free blog! (3)  I am grateful for my mental health. (4)  I am grateful that I have discovered the transformative power of yoga. (5)  I am grateful for my education, something my parents, esp. my mother, sacrificed a great deal to give to me and my siblings. (6)   I am grateful for my life, being given yet another day in which to love and be loved. (7)  I am grateful for my three beautiful children and my loving husband. (8-11)  I am grateful for the sun shining bright and beautiful. (12)   I am grateful for my home. (13)  I am grateful for poetry and poets. (14)  I am grateful for our public library system and our town’s beautiful new library. (15)  I am grateful for running water that is clean and oh-so convenient. (16)  I am grateful for the ability to smell (17).  I am grateful for the health of my children and family. (18)  I am grateful for this time alone and the ability to type without interruptions. (19)  I am grateful for the trees, birds, blue sky and all that nature brings to us on a daily basis.  (20)  I am grateful for the owl hooting outside my window. (21) 

Yesterday was cloudy and cold and everybody was dragging.  It has been a long winter here for which I have no complaints.  It has been great for ice skating and sledding and snowboarding and just plain playing outside.  But it is April and thoughts are turning towards spring and warm weather and the growing season.  We are ready to let go of the winter weather and move into a new season.  Papa had a bad headache and I was needing a good nap to perk me up.  And it was that time of the day when we usually stop and have a bite to eat and I indulge myself with hot tea and something yummy.  

The other night I had read something on the internet about HSers who regularly participated in Tuesday Teatime, a time when all else is put aside so that one can put on a special tea party for their children complete with china, treats and hot beverages.  During this tea time, the children are invited to read poems and of course, the moms, too, take the opportunity to read from some of their favorite poets.

 Yesterday, despite my low energy level, I was able to accomplish putting together a “Tuesday teatime” even though it was Saturday.  Somehow, I found the energy to lay out one of my late mother’s table cloths and busy myself with making the table look warm and inviting.  There were lighted candles, teapots, fancy china tea cups, saucers and plates.  There were lovely little decorated Easter eggs adorning the table and there was my family sitting around the table.  Even my dh, who had been lying on the couch, joined us and seemed pleased with the layout of food and fineries.   I was impressed that a little effort toward making a beautiful table for tea time could bring the family together and lighten the mood the way that it did.  My dear husband even added to the ambiance by putting Bon Iver in the CD player - a perfect match for our day.  I would like to do this Tuesday Teatime once a week, if possible.  I plan to read bits of poetry and maybe some other books to the kids during this time.  Saturday’s tea time was such a day brightener, I have got to do it again.

Easing Stress with Gratitude

*This post is reprinted in its entirety by permission of Ann Voskamp at Holy Experience.

Interested in Easing Parental Stress?

A university student (and mother) who reads here contacted me, inquiring if any parent who passes through this out of the way place might be interested in participating in a research study to reduce parental stress— through practising gratitude… Yes! Care to join me?

She writes:

WANTED: Parents who desire to reduce child-related stress.

COST: A little bit of your time.

PERKS: Improved outlook and better parenting relationships! HOW? Introducing an exciting study in the works with an outcome that will benefit you! We are happy to present you with the chance to participate and hope that you will find this helpful to your daily life. Read on for more information ~

The Purpose of the Study:

- To consider gratitude as a method for reducing stress in parenting
- To measure instances of parenting stress using the method below
- To measure the potential benefits (and maintenance) of gratitude as a means of stress reduction in parenting

The Method of the Study:

The 2 Simple Steps:

[Prior to beginning, compile a list of 10 specifics for which you are grateful. This should make the required expressions of gratitude easier.]

#1: When you experience a moment of stress related to one or more of your children, “reset” your thinking by verbally expressing gratitude, either in reaction to the current stressor, or by reading/saying something from your list.

#2: Add a mark to your daily tally (so that we have a record of how many times this happens each day).

That’s it.

This exercise will be carried out for seven days, beginning on Tuesday, April 1st, followed by a seven day break, and then repeated for a second seven day period.

If you want to participate, please e-mail gratitude.study@gmail.com by Tuesday so we can have an idea of the size of the study. Give your name, age, and gender—although you are welcome to participate anonymously, if you like. Feel free to spread the word to as many adults that you know that wish to participate. (This would make a fun project to do with friends and/or a spouse—men being specifically encouraged to participate as most studies tend to neglect the impact of gratitude from a male perspective.)

What’s in this for you?

Multiple studies have shown that people who feel more gratitude are much more likely to have higher levels of happiness, lower levels of depression and stress. They are seen as more empathetic, agreeable, and extraverted. Grateful people should be more likely to notice they have been helped, to respond appropriately, and to return the help at some future point.

You mean, you’ll get all that, just by adding some gratitude to your life? YES!

Definitions, for the purpose of this study:

Gratitude: Being aware of and thankful for the good things that happen; taking time to express thanks.

Parenting Stress is defined as those moments when life as a parent seems overwhelmingly unpredictable and uncontrollable (based on the 10-item Perceived Stress Scale). Within the context of parenting,

- you become upset because of something that happens unexpectedly.
- you feel you are unable to control the important things in your life.
- you feel nervous and “stressed.”
- you feel you cannot cope with all the things you have to do.
- you become angry because things are outside of your control.
- you feel difficulties are piling up so high that you cannot overcome them.

Obviously, this will be a largely subjective assessment—that is the difficulty in measuring an emotional state. Just try to be as aware as possible.

Thank you! We look forward to sharing the results of the study.

Join us at gratitude.study@gmail.com by Tuesday.
(Feel free to repost this post in its entirety. Let’s give thanks in all things!)

(Lucy says: It looks like we missed the deadline.  I just heard about it yesterday but love the idea just the same….)

Well, let’s just say I am not a technophile, if there is such a word.  I was pretty happy with life before computers and Windows and email and all that stuff came into “vogue”.  And it took a while before I was able to understand how truly wonderful the internet is.   So forgive me if it takes me awhile to get this blog looking good.  I apologize.  It (computer stuff) does not come naturally to me.  With that said, I want to let everyone know that although I am reading Meditations from the Mat (and I HIGHLY recommend it) that is not what my kids are reading.  (Although last night H-man did take a look at the book and laughed at the photos of people in yoga poses.) 

We are reading lots of different things.  Pippi Longstocking, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle, the D’aulaire books on Benjamin Franklin, Buffalo Bill, Abraham Lincoln and George Washington and Minn of the Mississippi by Holling.  Celia continues to read all sorts of books about fairies in her spare time.

The kids have been playing in the cul de sac by our house a lot lately.  There is a huge pile of snow that they have dug out and made into dens, for lack of a better word.  They are having a ton of fun every day doing this and they spend a lot of time with the neighbor kids working on it together.  This afternoon they are outside taking down icicles by the house and collecting them in a sled for a future use.  Hmmm.  Maybe I need to check on that.

Anyway, I just wanted to clarify that we are doing more than reading daily meditations.  And I will work on getting my blog looking better when I get some free time.  I am really working on practicing yoga daily, meditating, staying in the moment, staying healthy and trying to put together a routine that incorporates a lot of the Charlotte Mason ideas.  Buying healthy food, cooking, cleaning, reading and fostering a learning atmosphere leaves me with little extra time.  Plus, having a three year old in the house and all the clean up and laundry that goes with it makes for a busy day.  I know I need to make a list of what I really want out of this year, this life and spend my time accordingly.  But it is SO much easier said than done.  So with that in my mind, I shall sign off and do a few stretches, maybe write in my journal and hopefully clear my mind.  

Namaste!  

Last week I was complaining of feeling burnt out.  I felt like I really needed a break.  But looking back I realized that if I would have made some adjustments earlier, I would not have felt so crispy.

First of all, I need to get out of the house and into the ”out of doors” for at least a short time each day, frigid weather or not.  Last week, partly because of the weather I did not do that.

Secondly, I need to do yoga (or some other equally good exercise) at least three times a week.  Last week, once again, partly because it was so cold, I did not do that.  I also need to hit the mat regularly, daily, if possible.   And let’s face it, it is possible.  I can find at least a few minutes every day to do some poses.

I need to focus more on getting adequate sleep.  I need say no more.

I need to spend some time each day reading from my meditation book and focusing on my spiritual health, for lack of a better way of saying it.  I need to meditate. 

I need to focus on what is truly important to me right now:  my children, my family, our health and education, and God as I understand God right now.  There are other things that I could add to the list but this will suffice for now.  I need to be mindful of where my time is going and whether or not it is going to the right places.

I need to take time for myself to do the basics to keep myself moving on an even keel.  

I need regular “me” time even if it is only for a short period of time, like 10-15 minutes.

I need to journal, especially when I cannot see things clearly or understand things clearly.

I need to practice being in the moment with my kids and not off somewhere else for at least a few minutes every day. 

I need to discover what brings me joy and avoid what brings me down.

I need to plan fun into my schedule so that there is always something to look forward to.

I need to meet up with other HS people who can share this journey with me.  I need to focus more on making connections with other like-minded parents.  And focus more on connections in general.

I need to practice gratitude and act accordingly.

I need to spend some time each day enjoying a good book.    

And lastly, I need to do all these things because I want to burn brightly but not burn out.