The Mindful Homeschool

Last week I was complaining of feeling burnt out.  I felt like I really needed a break.  But looking back I realized that if I would have made some adjustments earlier, I would not have felt so crispy.

First of all, I need to get out of the house and into the ”out of doors” for at least a short time each day, frigid weather or not.  Last week, partly because of the weather I did not do that.

Secondly, I need to do yoga (or some other equally good exercise) at least three times a week.  Last week, once again, partly because it was so cold, I did not do that.  I also need to hit the mat regularly, daily, if possible.   And let’s face it, it is possible.  I can find at least a few minutes every day to do some poses.

I need to focus more on getting adequate sleep.  I need say no more.

I need to spend some time each day reading from my meditation book and focusing on my spiritual health, for lack of a better way of saying it.  I need to meditate. 

I need to focus on what is truly important to me right now:  my children, my family, our health and education, and God as I understand God right now.  There are other things that I could add to the list but this will suffice for now.  I need to be mindful of where my time is going and whether or not it is going to the right places.

I need to take time for myself to do the basics to keep myself moving on an even keel.  

I need regular “me” time even if it is only for a short period of time, like 10-15 minutes.

I need to journal, especially when I cannot see things clearly or understand things clearly.

I need to practice being in the moment with my kids and not off somewhere else for at least a few minutes every day. 

I need to discover what brings me joy and avoid what brings me down.

I need to plan fun into my schedule so that there is always something to look forward to.

I need to meet up with other HS people who can share this journey with me.  I need to focus more on making connections with other like-minded parents.  And focus more on connections in general.

I need to practice gratitude and act accordingly.

I need to spend some time each day enjoying a good book.    

And lastly, I need to do all these things because I want to burn brightly but not burn out. 

Well, it didn’t really happen, but I tried really hard.  I tried to give up the computer and the TV and I was relatively successful.  I did find myself sneaking a peek at my email in the morning.  I tried to avoid doing that.  And I googled the poem “This little piggy goes to the market” after H asked me why the last little piggy cried!  I didn’t find an answer but I did find lots of other interesting websites.  ahem.  

I told the kids that they were not allowed to watch any TV or play on the computer but I found out later that the two oldest children logged on to Webkins briefly when I wasn’t looking.  By 3 pm I was on the verge of a headache and oh, it would have been so easy to give up.  But I persevered.  We worked on making Valentines and got a lot done.  Relatively speaking.  And it helped me the next day because the kids didn’t expect to watch TV right upon waking up. 

I told H that I wanted him to sit on the potty at least once before he could watch his morning TV show.  He lay down and cried upon hearing that.  But after a little while he agreed to try sitting on the toilet.  We went to the bathroom and I showed him what he needed to do and then … he did it!  He was so proud of himself.  After that, he spent the next 2 hours sitting on the toilet, wiping himself, flushing, washing his hands, or bathing (after messier outputs) and drinking water so he could go AGAIN!

It goes without saying that going TV/computer-free is hard work and I would have a hard time doing it everyday but … one day a week seems doable.  Baby steps.  My family and I learn a lot from PBS shows and TV can be very entertaining.  Last night all five of us watched a wonderful ballroom dancing show that had all three kids inspired to twirl around the room together.  It was a true family moment when we were all focused on the same thing, living in the same moment, together as a family.  It is those times when I am grateful for TV.  And of course, the computer is also another wonderful tool for learning, inspiration and entertainment. 

The problems happen when we start using these tools too much at the expense of being there with our loved ones.  It’s a problem when it shuts out our loved ones and closes us off to the world.  I know I have a long ways to go toward finding balance in this modern world.  I can get so absorbed in my emails and the blogosphere that I start neglecting my family and my own real-life moments.  I think going tech-free on Tuesdays could help me and my family appreciate technology’s role a lot more and help bring more clarity into our use of it.  At least it is worth a try.

These are the three words I keep trying to repeat to myself today:  Sovereignity, empathy, and acceptance.  You see, I am reading Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting once again.  It is a book that takes time to read.  It takes time to absorb all the wisdom within it.  I had read parts of it before but like a lot of other books that I borrow from the library, I had to return it before I could finish reading all of it.  And I really need to read this book now.

Here is a nugget from one of the chapters in the book entitled “Acceptance”:

“As we learn to observe and accept our own wide range of feelings, including very turbulent ones, as part of our effort to be mindful, we naturally become more aware of other people’s feelings, especially our children’s.  We come to know something of the landscape of feelings and their changing nature, and are more likely to be sympathetic and less likely, at the same time, to take them personally.  We are better able to accept their experience and their feelings, even if we may not like how they are behaving.  In doing so, we are able to step out of the limited realm in which we as parents can often find ourselves, where we are so carried away by our own feelings and our attachment to our view of things that we cut ourselves off from our children and in some deep way, without realizing or intending to, abandon them.”

Practicing acceptance is a crucial component of mindful parenting, according to the authors.  Seeing and accepting things as they are, no matter how we feel about it.  

I find parenting to be so demanding and time-consuming and it is so overwhelming at times.  I find that there are times when my patience is lacking, my temper is short and I just need to be by myself.  Is that such a bad thing?  I love my kids but I need the time away to get a fresh perspective.   

It is when I am overwhelmed, exhausted and feeling spent that I am my worst self.  When I am able to step back and look at things from outside my cluttered head, I am able to regain a sense of calm and peace that is otherwise missing.  Maybe, practicing acceptance of my own feelings and behavior will allow me to accept my children’s feelings and behavior more easily.

And there are things my kids do that are really hard for me to accept.  The things they do (or don’t do) can drive me batty.  It can bring out the worst in me.  Accepting these things does not mean they can keep doing these things over and over without any intervening on my part.  But accepting the reality of it all could be the first step toward achieving more harmony in the household.  Not ignoring it and hoping it will go away. 

Of course, there are some things that I can just accept and let go of.  Things like the pen marks on the wall and the all-day pajama marathons.  Some things just aren’t that important to me.  Sure, I wish my toddler hadn’t drawn on the newly painted walls and colored on the bottom of our beautiful cherry wood dining table.  But eventually the walls will get painted over and no one but my family will probably ever see the underside of my dining room table.  And when we do look at the crayon marks under the table it will probably be with a sense of wistful nostalgia and remembrance of my 3 yo’s energy and creativity (for lack of a better word, lol).  If I wanted a perfectly decorated house, I wouldn’t have gotten married and had kids anyway.  Some things are fairly easy for me to accept and to let go.  

Other things are not as easy.  Some behavior requires my attention and problem-solving skills and starts to consume me if I am not careful.  This also requires a certain acceptance and letting go.  It is not good to ignore it and just sweep it under the rug but it also not healthy for me to allow it to cloud over my thinking and overtake me.    

So this week, when I take a little bit of time for myself,  I may be chanting my new mantra, ”Sovereignity, empathy and acceptance.”  And in doing so, I hope to cultivate more awareness of what my children really need from me, what I can let go of, and what I can do to help them grow up healthy and strong.

I don’t know what to write in my blog tonight.  It is not as if I don’t have anything to say.  In fact, it is quite the opposite.  I have tons of stuff floating around in my head but I am not sure what to focus on, how to say it and who I am directing it toward.  Yes, I lack clarity, focus and direction.  And I, to top it all off, I feel the onset of an internet addiction.  I love, love, love reading all these wonderful blogs.  There are so many great HS blogs; there are so many great yoga-themed blogs.  There are so many blogs!!!!  There is even a blog called “Cupcakes and Yoga”.  And I want to read all of them.  But here’s the thing:  I am a “very” SAHM to three kids and I have a husband, a house and a “homeschool”.  And then there’s my yoga practice which I will not give up/cannot give up.  It is one of the most powerful parenting tools I have right now.  And all of these things take up a lot of time. 

I cannot become an internet addict.  It would be very destructive to all of the aforementioned and so, from here on I am going to work on being much more mindful of how much time I can put into all this blogging right now, although I love it so…

Yesterday was a good day spent reading poems to H-man in the morning and later, visiting friends at their new home.  H-man and the other kids have been found jumping on the big bed which I am not too keen on.  I know they need an outlet for their pent-up energy and we have been experiencing a lot of time indoors due to the sub-zero temps outside.  So, a couple days ago, I told H-man I will have to read him from the book, Jump-On-The-Bed Poems.  He sounded very intrigued. 

Yesterday I pulled it out and read it to him.  It’s a great book called You Be Good & I’ll Be Night; Jump-on-the Bed Poems by Eve Merriam.  He seemed to really enjoy it.  It has a lot of really wonderful poems about things kids can relate to, like releasing your pet fish into the river and hoping that he makes it to the ocean to swim free with others of his kind!

Here’s the hard part of the day.  Getting out of the house and into the van so we could drive over to our friends’ house.  It took about 45 minutes longer than I thought it would.  I am not sure why.  I had to change a stinky diaper and dress the 3 yo.   And getting out of my friend’s house took another extra 45 minutes, partly due to the fact that we were gabbing while trying to round up the kids and get jackets, boots, and mittens on.  And partly due to the fact that H-man, my 3 yo, lay down on the floor, sobbing that he didn’t want to leave.  Poor guy.  He really loves a good social outing and has a hard time with good-byes. 

We had a lot of fun; my three kids played with my friend’s three kids and everyone had a playmate.  And best of all, the moms got to gab with few interruptions.  It would be nice to have get-togethers like that more often! 

Sometimes the days spent with the kids seem so long, but I realize more and more how quickly the years are going by and how quickly the kids are growing up.

That is why I want to be present for them in the moment.  This is my aim.  To be fully present for them as much as I can during this journey.  It is easy for me to fall into the mindlessness of it all.  There is so much to do.  But by practicing mindfulness and by chronicling our journeys here I hope to live more fully in the moment with my family. 

I am an AP mother.  I breastfed, wore my babies in a sling (when I wasn’t carrying them!), shared a family bed and practiced attachment parenting.  I don’t regret any of it.  I am still practicing attachment parenting.  But now that the kids are getting older (9, 7 and 3 yo)  I am realizing that I need additional tools.  That’s where the mindfulness comes into play.  I need to practice being aware, being in the moment and being present for my family. 

So this is where I plan to record all the things we do and all the things I want to do.  Moment by moment.