The Mindful Homeschool

Yesterday we hosted a sleepover with the cousins.  I made the kids earn it this time.  I told them they would have to prove to me and my dh that they were worthy of one.  This meant no fighting and they would have to help with things around the house.   And … they would have to convince their father.  They did surprisingly well.

We ended up going to a baseball game and then drove back home for the sleepover.  After watching a little of the Olympics and a few episodes from our Tom and Jerry DVD, the kids got ready for bed.  It took a while for all of them to settle down but I do believe they were tired!

It is good to have new energy in the house, to hear the cousins exchanging stories and laughing, and to see all the smiles on the kids’ faces.  It is a always a good thing when the cousins get together.  I am thankful that the kids play so well together and have a ton of fun.   

Well, it was round 2 with the neighbors.  The day was so taxing; it might be hard to recall all of it.  I went to talk to the neighbor about the situation we found out about last week.  As you may recall from an earlier post, the neighbor boy had been behaving badly with my 3 yo.  So I went over there after a few days (or more!) of simmering.  I knew that I would not feel right until I told her the complete version of what happened and what I had found out. 

It went surprisingly well.  Her 10 yo daughter (when questioned by me) tearfully agreed that the “secret meetings” between the 8 yo and my son happened more than once, that her brother was the one who initiated it, and that she saw more than she was telling her mom.  This is not what Nikki had told her mother before.  I felt as though my concerns were taken seriously and that R, my neighbor, believed me and my kids.  I felt like we could all work on mending the relationship and hoped that her son would be disciplined appropriately.  Then H-man, C-chan and Nikki, the neighbor, hung out together with another neighbor girl, and read books in N’s garage until lunch time.  However, later in the afternoon when my kids attempted to say, “Hi” to the neighbors they were ignored.  I felt hurt all over again.  And I think my kids were thinking the same thing. 

I thought, “Oh man, here we go again.”  We are back to being ignored, excluded, you name it.  But why do I care anymore?  Why can’t I just let it all go and move on?  Why haven’t I learned my lesson?  These are not people who make you feel good.  These are, at best, on again, off again friends.  And they can be mean and insensitive and of course, untruthful.  And mistreat my kids.  So why am I continuing this unhealthy relationship?  

The kids fought a lot today.  W came in afterwards and pounded on the wall.  He told me he did not know why but I think I do.  He thought things would be better with the neighbors across the street and … sadly they are not.  Later tonight our kids played in the front and pined after the “friends” across the street.  It was … pathetic?  Our boys openly stared at the 3 neighbor kids playing spud, a game I taught all of them a few years back.  W was openly mad and frustrated.  He has been saying, ”Why are they playing with everyone but us?”  I tried to explain why that might be.  Maybe they weren’t such good friends after all.  This is a hard lesson for us.  I have been wanting to be “all peaceful and loving” about all of this.  But now I am wondering why am I spending so much energy on this toxic relationship?   

At what point does a friendship become toxic?  At what point do you say, “Enough”.   I think I have reached that point.  It is at least the third time I have had problems with these neighbors.  And this latest situation has made me realize how unsafe things are with these kids around. 

Life is too short to waste it stewing over things, wishing things were different and putting up with less than decent relationships.  I guess I am a bit mad at myself for allowing me and my kids to get so involved with these people knowing that we have had serious issues in the past.  I don’t want to go back into a relationship with them and have this happen all over again or have it be even worse.  There is an issue of my kids’ safety and that cannot be taken lightly.

But how do I convince the kids that we need to let these friendships go?  They are hurting.  Which makes me even more angry.    

Big sigh.

Mindful friendships.  Mindful parenting.  Mindful neighbors?

And then there is that saying that brought me comfort a couple of years back when we were having issues with the other neighbors:  Difficult people are your best teachers.  Let me learn my lesson this time!

First of all, did you know that not all of the Olympic competition takes place in Beijing?  Some of the competitions are as far away as Hong Kong.  Hong Kong is about as far away from Beijing as New York City is from Miami!  But that doesn’t make these Olympics any less spectacular.

We watched the Opening Ceremonies on Friday night.  It was beautiful, breathtaking and just plain gorgeous.  I loved seeing the big scroll on the floor and watching the dancers, the drummers, and the Chinese characters throughout the ceremony.  The costumes were gorgeous, the symbolism was poignant, and the show was flawlessly performed by no fewer than 15,000 people.  I am so glad that we were able to watch it, all of us together as a family.  The children really seemed to appreciate the artistry and beauty of it all, too.

The games are taking me by surprise this time.  I hadn’t intended to watch Michael Phelps but I did see him win his first, second and third gold and I am now a big fan.  I saw a story about how his mother raised him and his two children by herself and it really moved me.  His mother said that when he was a kid she realized he needed an outlet for all of his energy and decided to place him in a swimming program.  That was the beginning for him.  Being a mother of three active children, I can relate to this story.

The kids are fired up about these Olympics.  They have been running outside around the house doing their “track and field”.  They have been doing “routines” off the swing set.  And they are adamant that they don’t miss an evening of watching these Olympic Games.  H-man has been cheering for Michael Phelps even when we are watching the women’s swimming competions!

Tonight after one of H-man’s races around the house, he was sad that he wasn’t fast enough to beat his siblings.   I told him that he was still growing and that as he got bigger he would get stronger and faster.  So what does he do?  He tells me that he wants to eat a lot of veggies and nuts to grow bigger!  So I got out the walnuts and started feeding him!  He is such an athletic child; it will be interesting to see what sports he takes up when he gets older.

C is interested in gymnastics and we plan to look into signing her up for lessons close to home.  I am excited that she wants to do this.  William has not asked to do any specific sports and I will continue to look for something that would be a good fit for him.  He is asking for rollerblades these days.  He has been wearing mine and he is very good.  He was really good at ice skating last winter so I guess it makes sense that he would learn how to blade quickly.

I am still taking my yoga classes and loving it.  And I still do believe that yoga is the answer to everything!  LOL!  Hubby is running and biking these days and looking good.  He is slowly losing weight and feeling really good about that.  It is good to have such a healthy, active family.    

Last week was a tough week.  It would be difficult to go into details right now but let’s just say … that it was a difficult week.  My family learned that a boy in the neighborhood had been behaving badly with my 3 yo son.  He had been having secret meetings in the bushes with my child and … it is very upsetting.  What made the whole situation worse was the fact that the boy’s mother denies that her child would behave in such a way.  She said it was completely “out of character” for her son to act like that and then told me it was all my 3 yo’s doing!  This has shaken me and my family.

But we are moving on.

I am thankful that my children were smart and persistent enough to investigate these ”secret meetings”.  My dh and I had no idea.  And thankfully, my 3 yo seems to be okay and not affected by what happened.  I, on the other hand, feel angry that my neighbor of 11 years is denying what happened.  Her children have not told her the truth and she seems to be refusing to see her child as who he is: a boy who may need help and professional counseling.

I am struggling a bit with what to do with the boy’s mom.  When I first told her what had happened I tried to be gentle with the information I had.  I did not want to overwhelm her.  I did not want to accuse her son of malicious intent.  And I didn’t certainly didn’t want to make enemies with her.  But her response was so … in defense of her child.  She seemed as if she could not come to terms with the idea that her son could do such a thing.  It made me angry.  She said it was all my son’s doing!   She tells me this after a brief (maybe 10 minutes or less) conversation with her elder daughter. 

I don’t like being told my 3.5 yo is responsible for something her 8.5 yo did.  So we are back to being on not such good terms with the neighbors again.  It is okay.  This time I know that there is nothing I can do to fix the relationship.  I have tried hard to be a good neighbor.  I have been slow to get angry with her children when they have left messes in our yard, or stepped on our gutters, or dug holes in our yard, or accidentally injured our children.  But this time is different.  I need to keep my children safe.  And I need to prevent this from happening ever again. 

So this is the end of all that and the beginning of something else.  I pray that my children will find friends who are good and kind and honest.  Friends who treat them well and act with integrity.

This is my prayer. 

C-chan is really into mythology again.  She loves this book called D’Aulaires’ Book of Greek Myths that we have borrowed from the library over and over again.  She has read it numerous times and now knows much more than I do regarding mythology.  She has taught her younger brother much more than I know about Greek myths.  I don’t think I even had a class in mythology until I went to college.  That was the first I had heard of Icarus and other mythological characters.  Maybe it was because I went to a private Christian school???  The only character I know that C had not heard of was Bacchus, the god of wine.  (I think this is because there was a group at college with this name but my recollections are quite fuzzy.)

Anyway, this interest in mythology has been fueled even more by another series of books that deal with mythological characters.  The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan and the other books in the series have been keeping her happy and busy reading this summer.  She told one of her good homeschooling friends about this book and this friend also liked it.  Seeing as C-chan reads much faster than I can, I am glad that she has another buddy with whom she can converse re: her latest book finds.

W is enjoying reading Hardy Boys books.  I just picked up one for him at Barnes and Noble that we were unable to borrow from the library.  He was so excited that I had gotten it for him.  We are still reading to him at night and I am so glad that he has truly developed a love of books.  Yay!  For me right now, seeing my kids reading and loving books makes me really happy and very proud.

We had Vacation Bible School this week which the older kids thought was a blast.  H-man wasn’t so sure.  I stayed with him and the other preschoolers in his group.   I think that is partly to blame for my miserable cold.  C came down with something on Thursday night and because of that we ended up not going to VBS on Friday.  Then on Friday afternoon I started feeling all achey in the head and am still not feeling like I am back to normal.  I think I was exposed to an awful lot of germs when I was with the 3 and 4 year olds.  I will spare you the details but let’s just say my immune system was not strong enough to fight off the attack.  Of course, I feel bad that we missed not only Friday’s VBS but we also missed the celebration on Saturday night.  Oh well, C is getting back to her old self and soon my summer cold will be a distant memory as well. 

(I wonder if my lack of time spent on the mat was what made me so vulnerable.  I remember my former yoga teacher, Karen, saying that balancing poses helped to strengthen the immune system.  Next year if H-man wants to do VBS, I will have to remember to do a lot of tree poses that week!  Last month, according to my health fitness club’s records, I went to the club (i.e. yoga class) only 9 times.  This month I plan to go a lot more.)

The kids enjoyed VBS so much I was thinking it would be good to incorporate some of the ideas into our “school year”.  They enjoyed the different crafts, snacks and drama presentations that were scheduled into each day.  And it seemed as if they really enjoyed singing and dancing to all the VBS songs.  The downside of all this was having to adhere to a fairly inflexible schedule.  When the time was up for crafts, we had to stop even if we were in the “flow” of doing something and not yet done with our craft.  Same with snack time.  We were given a certain amount of time to finish our snacks (sometimes as little as 3 minutes due to a scheduling mistake) and the children were instructed to throw their food in the trash bag even if they weren’t done with it.  Although I can understand the reasoning behind all of this, it seemed wasteful and just plain wrong.

But overall, we had a really good week.  C and W laughed a ton while relaying VBS stories to me.  I heard my kids singing VBS songs in the shower and under the kitchen table.  And they also did a great job learning their dance moves and participating in the huge gymnasium “Sing and Play” time at the beginning and ending of each day.

“You, just as you are, and your life here, right now, are all there is and all you need to know. You don’t have to do anything special. Mostly, you have to be open to meeting face to face, and even dancing with, the truth that pertains to your life right now. You have to find a way to collect your fractured pieces, examine them, and then accept them as part of who you are. Spiritual practice is about transformation, but it’s also, and more importantly, about working with what is. –Angel Kyodo Williams

I came to the practice of asana with a curvature in my spine. Thousands of hours of my life have been devoted to struggling with the effects of this. On the mat, my lower back became a battleground. I fought and lost, fought and lost. My efforts to heal myself often ended in debilitating back spasms. Over time, though, I began to respect my back. I marveled at its ability to bend backward and forward, to recover from tremendously painful injuries. Eventually I started to befriend my back, and even to see it as something to be admired. I began focusing on what it could do. As this attitude developed, the need to change my back, to fight my reality, lessened and gradually disappeared. The curvature in my back is gone, and I can’t remember exactly when it went away, because when it did, I no longer cared.”

(from Meditations from the Mat by Rolf Gates)

I heard recently that setting goals can help make dreams a reality. 

In about 3 months or so summer will be but a distant memory.  That’s why we Northerners especially need to make the most of every moment.  So in the interest of doing that, I am going to make a list of things I still want to do before the summer is over.

• Lemonade stands and more fundraising for MoMF, a foundation that helps kids who have cancer and their families.
• Swim, bike, walk and run (?) more.  Possibly train with the kids for the triathlon and participate in a 5K this fall with dh.
• Feng shui some more in the home.  Donate and sell goods we are no longer using.  Clear out guest bedroom.
• Plan out the coming school year and establish some sort of a routine.  Do more reading about Charlotte Mason and Ambleside Online.  Set up a loose daily schedule complete with time for music, Tuesday tea time, movie afternoons on Wednesdays, art on Fridays, special outings, nature walks and lots of outdoor exercise, and time for me.
• Camp at least one more time in a State Park.
• Try at least one new recipe.  Try at least one new recipe in a crock pot.
• Buy at least one new outfit.
• Hang out at the poolside and beach - lots.
• Buy some new sunglasses, sunscreen and possibly a new hat. 
• Make at least one more mosaic stepping stone with the children.
• Go on a picnic.
• Check out the deals at some more local garage sales.
• Bike to the local grocery store at least 9 more times.
• Wash the windows in my upper level.
• Make pizza on the grill with fresh basil from our deck.
• Practice yoga on my deck at least once, maybe in the morning when the sun is rising?
• Practice yoga everyday for at least 15 minutes.
• Celebrate the gift of summer and enjoy being in the moment with my family.

It has been hard to keep count of all the things I am grateful for.  I guess that in itself is something for which to be grateful! (29)

I haven’t posted for a while and thought I could quickly give an update by stating what I have been grateful for these past few days.

The glorious summer sun and summer heat! (30)  I do not want to hear complaints about the heat.  Get thee to a pool if need be.  I love being able to send the kids outside in just shorts, a t-shirt and crocs.  This is the perfect time to go to the beach, the pool, anywhere you can find comfort when the heat index gets high.

Air conditioning (31) for when the heat and humidity are too much to bear.

My new clothes dryer (32), my temporary clothesline and clothespins (33), my new window fan (34), and the new hard drive in this computer which allows me to stay connected to the world through cyber space!!! (34) 

And lastly, for our health (35).  We have been very healthy this summer and (knock on wood) hope to do a lot more activities before the summer comes to a close.

Well, I finally did it.  After weeks of thinking, and talking to the kids, and researching this charity’s website, I signed up both of my two older children for a kids triathlon, a fundraiser to help children who are struggling with cancer.  I have heard lots of good things about this organization and the kids are excited to help raise funds.  They, along with a couple of other neighbor kids, held a lemonade stand yesterday and raised $30.50!  They decided to do this all on their own.  It was a lot of fun and we helped quench a lot of thirst in the neighborhood!  My neighbor, R, made the lemonade and the kids made signs, posted them, and sold the drinks.  We had the stand open for about 3 hours and ate lunch outside on the front lawn while tending to the fundraising.  It was a gorgeous sunny day and we even had repeat customers. 

Our neighbors to our west knew the boy who is the inspiration for the triathlon.  He shared the same birthday as these neighbors who are twins.  Mitch, the inspiration for MOMF, died at the age of 9 years old and according to all accounts, was a great kid with a big heart.  He saw that other children who had cancer did not have the same kind of resources that he had and made his father pinky swear that after his death, he would do something to help other kids with cancer and their families.

The triathlon will be celebrating its 5th anniversary this month and the organizers are hoping to make it the biggest kid’s triathlon in the world.  The theme of the triathlon:  Kids Racing For Kids Who Can’t.    

“Cleaning the house while the kids are still young is like shoveling before it stops snowing.”  –Phyllis Diller

Last week we participated in a garage sale held at my brother’s house.  It was relatively successful and I was able to go through, organize and sell a lot of stuff.  The funny thing is my house does not reflect this.  We still have a lot of stuff that we need to organize, store or sell.  My oldest child will turn 10 yo soon so I have been collecting all this kid stuff for a while.  And it is not all kid stuff, of course, that I need to organize.   A lot of it is my stuff.  But with 3 kids ages 3 to 9, I have not been able to accomplish a lot of housework, or anything else for that matter.

However, I am inspired.  I have cleared out some areas in my home.  I have made some money selling it.  And I have found some things that I had been looking for.  It feels good.  There is good energy slowly moving through the house.  I just need to keep at it until the clutter beast has been tamed.

And I am truly grateful to be able to live in this house and neighborhood.  With so many people being forced out of their homes, I am truly grateful for what I do have.